Just some things I need to moan about

Been a while since anyone posted anything, and I'm afraid this one isnt going to be a happy one.

Been on A&E these past 2 weeks and it's been a really rough time. I feel so out of my depth all the time, as this is the first time we are doing A&E ever and we've not really been taught much about managing the VERY acute stuff. I mean, I think I'm ok on majors... you know, with the collapses and the heart attacks and the abdominal pains... It's the minors that really throw me off. Nobody's taught us anything about sprains and strains and dislocated fingers. Nobody's taught us about handling facial grazes and lacerations and foreign bodies in various bodily orifices. But the doctors just expect us to go and see these patients for the first time (and alone!) and know what to do.

I've made a couple of silly mistakes, and the comments and looks I've been getting have been most unforgiving. I feel so tired from this rotation. I'm doing bloody shifts at all kinds of ungodly hours and yet the department is so busy that nobody has time to teach (not their fault of course) and I dont have the chance to learn.

Also, it's amazing what one month of holiday can do to your knowledge as well... the stuff that I learnt so hard for the finals have all conveniently dissipated into thin air. Where did all my knowledge go? I feel so frustrated. I just want to be a competent and safe practitioner. Why does this seem so difficult?

Being on A and E has been emotionally draining too. Too many people who are too sick come through and it gets really really difficult. Take last Thursday for example... a man who had just killed his wife stabbed himself with a pair of scissors and was brought in by the police. When I saw him, he had those scissors pushed all the way down to the hilt, sticking out of his chest, and blood all over his face. Not a very pretty sight at all. And the department was immediately thrown into a frenzy as the trauma team, the police, the lung specialists and every other k-po doctor/nurse was trying to find out what happened/trying to save this dude. When he was finally transferred to another hospital to be taken to theatre, another man came in with a cardiac arrest.

My consultant was keen for us medical students to help out with the resuscitation, so he had us taking turns doing chest compressions whilst he tried to intubate and ventilate the guy and the other doctors loaded him up with dose after dose of adrenaline. However, they decided that all was not looking too good for the man and thus invited his family to come and see him (possibly for the last time 'alive') whilst we attempted to save his life. So there I was, pumping this man's heart with all my might as his family stood at the side looking on in shock and sorrow. I prayed for him as we did what we had to do, until the consultant asked us what time it was.

8.49pm. My consultant shut the man's eyes for the last time. We walked out of the cubicle. The family completely broke down in front of us. It was an awful, awful time. This was definitely a slice of the medicine pie that I can do without.

Anyway, I guess that's enough of my unloading. I'm sorry if you didnt understand a single word of what has been written (I have tried to make it as layman as possible), but I wanted to get things off my chest more than anything. I hope I've not upset anyone with any graphic details whatsoever.

Medicine is great in many ways, but it sucks big time when you dont know what to do, and when your patients die on you.

I pray that God will help me through the rest of this difficult difficult rotation. I'm not asking for excellence, just competence. PLEASE GOD!

p.s. JX, how did the test go? Feeling relieved now that it's over? Wish you all the best!!! (: